Bird Jokes! (1 Viewer)

[Chewbaxter]

(No takers? Ok then, to put the BF collective out of its misery .. (or increase it??!!) )


A . . . . Because it was a Flyover.



Boom!! Boom!!

( . . . or perhaps more likely . . Boom!! Splat!! . . . :t: )

Was it worth the wait I ask?

:king:

Two cows in a field... one says:
"Does this here Mad Cows Disease thing worry you?"
"Nah" says the other - "Why would it, I'm a Mallard!"

Another Mallard one...

"Wha-waa-waa-waaa-waaark!" says one to his chum...
"Do you know..." says the feathered friend "I was just about to say that myself!"


:t:

Neil.

 

[Jack Daw]

All the animals are in the jungle having a chat about who is the most scary animal of them all
The tiger says 'when I roar the whole jungle shudders' RRRRRRRRRRR
The lion says when I roar the whole continent shuddders GGRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Then the chicken says 'Ha I have only got to sneeze once and the whole world c** ps its self!!

Regards Jack

 

[Chewbaxter]

Then the chicken says 'Ha I have only got to sneeze once and the whole world c** ps its self!!

:t: I like it!

Okay... this penguin goes into the pub...

"Has me brother been in?" he asks.

"Dunno" says the landlord... "what does he look like?"

:king:


N.

 

[Chewbaxter]

Thought I would throw another into the mix

What's the difference between illegal and criminal

One's a sick raptor and the other is against the law.

AH! - Ill Eagle...

:t:


Sorry, I know LOADS of jokes, but often I'm not the quickest with 'em!

Puns eh? I've sussed it now!


:king:

N.

 

[Chewbaxter]

So there's this big ugly manky looking woman sat on the park bench... and this feller walks past.

"Hey love..." she says, "if you can guess the weight of that bird over there, then you can have wild, passionate love with me right here, right now!"

The feller looks at the bird in question... a wee Robin.

"Oh..." he says... "I'd say about 14 and a half stone!"

"Close enough!" she says and pounces!

 

[steve west]

I'm actually laughing! Soon stop that though...

Why do birds fly south in the autumn?
Too far to walk.

Two statisticians are out hunting ducks. One sees a duck in flight, shoots, but the shot goes one foot to the right of the bird. The other opens fire and his shot strays one foot to the left.
"You know", says one statistician to the other, "Statistically speaking, that duck is dead!"

Steve
http://www.BirdingInSpain.com

 

[Mannix]

What are the only two birds that can fly backwards?

The Hummingbird and the Cuckoo

(How else would they get back into the clocks?)

 

[Ilya Maclean]

There was a slim hope it would stay clean and respectabill . . .

Since it isn't, there's also that one about a Stork and a man going into a bar or something? Fortunately I don't think I can remember it . . .

(Actually don't think that one was smutty. Probably not funny eider).

Was the punchline something about a big bird with long legs? Was there a particularly stingy cat involved in the joke...............

I'll keep that one deliberately vague.........

 

[dantheman]

Was the punchline something about a big bird with long legs? Was there a particularly stingy cat involved in the joke...............

I'll keep that one deliberately vague.........

Ok, so it probably was dodgy then . . . all I remember was the bit about a man going into a bar with a Stork under his arm . . . . .

(so young, so innocent was i . . .)

 

[Chewbaxter]

Was the punchline something about a big bird with long legs? Was there a particularly stingy cat involved in the joke...............

I'll keep that one deliberately vague.........

I know the one you mean!



I know a 'derty' one also involving a Stork... but it's anatomically impossible AND degrading to the poor bird - so I'm not telling it!

I may set myself low standards... but I aim not to reach them!

:t:

N.

 

[Chewbaxter]

Why do birds fly south in the autumn?
Too far to walk.

:t:

I can't believe that wasn't the first joke posted in the thread... THE classic bird joke - HOW the heck did I forget it???

Cheers for doing the honours there Steve - love it!

:king:

N.

 

[jurek]

O.K. Drinky Crow flies and shouts: KRAH-KRAH! There is a telephone pole, the drinky crow flies straight towards it, and shouts: KRAH-KRAH! KRAH-KRAH! Finally, it hits the pole and falls down.
It picks itself up, and says: Woof-woof? Miaouw-miaouw? Moo-moo? F***, i forgot the tune!

 

[Chewbaxter]

O.K. Drinky Crow flies and shouts: KRAH-KRAH! There is a telephone pole, the drinky crow flies straight towards it, and shouts: KRAH-KRAH! KRAH-KRAH! Finally, it hits the pole and falls down.
It picks itself up, and says: Woof-woof? Miaouw-miaouw? Moo-moo? F***, i forgot the tune!

:t:

Great joke!!!

Hey... your avatar Jurek... made me think re: the Loch Ness Monster... if I can be serious for a moment and put this info. on which I posted on another forum...

Now I'm a skeptic... but after seeing this clip, I reckon it IS real... there's no way at all can this be fake - the image is far too clear, and you know it's not CGI or other Special Effects.

Have a look and tell me if you agree.

Click Here And Prepare To Be Astounded



Anhow... that aside - it's back with the bird jokes... please take a look at that clip though folks - it's amazing!


N.

 

[ghostrider]

I'm sure i've done this one before.....

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers!

I love that joke!

 

[DaveN]

I'm sure i've done this one before.....

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers!

I love that joke!

LOL B :-O

 

[dantheman]

I'm sure i've done this one before.....

I love that joke!

I for one know you have. We'll let you off though

(I've got to at any rate, as I'm already guilty of the repetition crime . . )

 

[Chewbaxter]

Well I've not heard that one before... and it's a cracker!

Love it!



Neil.

 

[Chewbaxter]

Here... what do Ducks have for breakfast?

QUACKER oats!



N.

 

[DaveN]

Here... what do Ducks have for breakfast?

QUACKER oats!



N.

I hope your 100th post is better than your 99th

 

[dantheman]

I hope your 100th post is better than your 99th

Agree, forget murder, some people should get locked up for cereal joking . . .